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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ophelia's LiveJournal:

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Friday, August 22nd, 2003
10:37 am
more weight loss stuff
134 today! my official weigh in date is monday. so i could be 133 by then, if i'm good this weekend. although i do plan o probably going out on saturday night, which might cut into my points a bit. but i've banked some, so i should be okay. i am so happy, after only 5 days of dieting, i am back down to my target weight! what keeps me going is thinking that soon i will be the thinnest i've ever been. as soon as i dip into the 120s, i will be there. it's awesome. and to think that by the next time my parents see me, they may be saying "you look so skinny!!" i can't wait. it just makes me feel better about myself. so much better. which is sad that i place my self-worth by numbers on a scale. but when i feel good about myself, it makes me want to do other things. and i can't wait to go shopping!! :)
that's all i really have to say, but i don't really have anyone else i can gloat to. i have to stop eating apples with brown sugar though, because i far exceed the limit of sugar i should be having for one point. oops. but i'm still losing weight!! i will cut back on the sugar. i kind of want to go get a spray tan, but i also know that i'm pretty damn poor right now. ahhhh i need a job. badly. and i can't find my damn j. crew coat online!!! i am pissed. i suppose it can wait a bit. well, i have things to do so i won't dwell too long. more later, i'm sure.
Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
6:15 pm
it's been awhile
it's been quite awhile, hasn't it? well, as usual, i am writing to monitor my weight loss progress. i am back on the good old points system- this is only my third day but i have high hopes. yesterday at plasma i was 135, which is good, cause their scale weighs heavy. i am hoping my monday's weigh-in to be 133. the first week is the highest for weight loss, so maybe it will be even more, but i won't hold my breath. four weeks of this and i could weigh 127! 5 weeks is my short-term goal of 125, and at 6 weeks would be my 10% goal of 123. my overall goal is 120, and if i want to lose more from there, i can. but 120 seems like a good number, i wouldn't want to be too skinny. i am determined to stick to it this time. it's only 7 weeks. that means by mid-october, i could be the weight i've always wanted to be. i just have to keep thinking of that every time i think the diet is too hard. and it's not like i'm starving myself, weight watchers is a very sensible diet. and with school starting and all, i'm hoping i'll be too busy to eat terribly- i'll take healthy snacks with me for throughout the day, like raisins and crasins and stuff. where i really run into problems is when i go home for the weekend and go out to eat. just sitting around here isn't that much of an issue for me. as long as i keep vegetables and healthy things around to snack on. too bad i'm so poor. i desperately need a job since i can't do plasma for 8 weeks. i upped my loan amount, but that's not going to make my parents too happy, i'll tell you that. oh well. it's not like they're helping any. they buy books, that's it.
anyway, i just need to think about how little i could be in less than two months! without much hardship, even. it's a bit tedious, writing everything down, but it's worth it, i think. i know it is. i am at 14.5 for the day, so i need to plan out my snacks for the rest of the night. i can have veggies and hummus for 16.5 points. then.. let's see. what else would be filling. another apple, perhaps. an apple with sugar for 2 more points, 18.5. that lets me bank 4 points, for a total of 11 for the week! that's only two days worth of banking- not bad at all. i was thrilled when i only weight 135 yesterday. after spending the weekend at home, i was sure i would weigh more. i'm only 4 days away from where i was at the beginning of the summer, which is certainly encouraging. i have to be skinnier to wear my new paper denims, which ought to be motivation within itself!! well. i am going to go eat some veggies and hummus, i think, and have some more water. i have three more glasses to drink before the night is over! i need to get more milk in, i think, i never quite make my daily goal. i should invest in some yogurt or something.

alright, i'm out. i'm sure i will ramble some more about weight loss later. :)
Thursday, November 14th, 2002
3:41 pm
ww is going well so far!
and the daily thing is okay. steph said she understood and they want me to meet with them on sunday for another story. cool. AND, tom gave some guy my email to contact me about a paid internship this summer! VERY nice. directed at me specifially, not a mass mail or anything. i am SO flattered. It's not often that internships fall into your lap. had to call dad and brag. hmm. life is going pretty well. for now.
Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002
8:07 pm
aaackk!! 132.5! this is the first time i have ever gained =/ maybe i just haven't peed out all of my tea/coke yet. i will hope for that. for now i am going to bed because i am absolutely exhausted, sadly. probably it is the lack of eating. i know it is, actually. ahhh. i'm on my sixth day!! it will be over a couple of days from now. probably. most likely. i am starting to miss food. bye bye.
12:21 pm
so day five has been a little, teeny bit harder. i've already had two or three mints and it's only noon =P but by the time i get back from class, it'll almost be day 6!! so that is a bonus. and when i go to work tomorrow, i'll start my seventh day! which might be my last day. 131.5. man.. it's weird. i took pictures this morning and compared them with pictures from when i started, and they sadly don't look that much different to me. :( i'll keep at it, i just need a break. i sort of want to reach day ten, because they say it becomes "quite pleasurable" after day ten. interesting. day ten would be.... monday i guess. most of monday, anyway. i want to eat this weekend, though, i think. chinese. and a blizzard, i owe myself a blizzard!! but it's cold, ice cream doesn't even sound good now. i looked in my planner and just last week i was 141 pounds- ten pounds in one week!! and all i had to do was not eat. all the diet coke i want, it's not so bad. i've been so busy that i've barely had time to deal with it anyway. tomorrow might be a challenge- i'm here from 9-5. doing nothing. maybe i'll go to the rec, maybe i'll sleep some more. we'll see what happens. for now i need to go to class and study for the quiz that we will be taking today. see ya later, slim. :D
Tuesday, July 23rd, 2002
10:10 pm
heelo again, little weight-progress journal. today i was 143.3 or something like that, but it was also 7:30 at night. plasma says i'm 148 (bastards). ate alright today- had too much pasta and shouldn't have had the preztels and turkey. probably okay though, overall. breakfast was 2 pieces of toast with jelly- 2 points total- and an apple with sugar- 2 points. lunch was pretzels and skittles, oops. let's say... 5 points maybe? then dinner was a huge thing of pasta and sauce. one icee- 1 point. turkey- 3 points. pretzels, maybe 4 points. so minus the pasta, today was 17, ouch. -4 for working out, 13. not so bad. as long as the pasta was under 9 points, and it might have been. :) oh well. rome wasn't built in a day- i can do this, i can. i need to get serious again- i am still in that phase of lower 140s that i can never get over- i have to do it this time. i wanted to be 139 by friday, that might not be so feasible now. self control, self control, self control. if i don't have control over myself, who else will ever believe that i'm assertive and can handle things? self control. i need to have a healthier relationship with food. sigh. so tired. am at 17:30 hours at work and it is only tuesday. 6.15 tomorrow will make 23.45.add.. at least 8 on friday. that's 31.45 (probably more). if i work 2-10 on saturday that's 39.45- no, 39:15 cause of a lunch. anyway, that means i have to leave by 10:45, bwahahahah!!! maybe earlier, depending on how late we go friday. heheheheheeeee.. can't wait for friday's paycheck! it will be very rewarding. except, when i get it, it'll probably be like $150 instead of the $180 or $200 that i am expecting. assholes. i am totally about getting a new job. oh lisa! anyway. gotta work at 8 (there's a shocker) so i'm going to go to bed probably. ran 5 miles tonight, i am tired. part of my problem, i think, is that i work out and then i think, i just ran 5 miles, if i want to bloody eat some pasta then i will and it will be fine!!
BAD way to think.
need to pep talk myself more often, maybe it will sink in someday.
think of the rewards-- people will tell me i look great. i can fit into small clothes. i won't feel as dowdy and like the 'big one' of the group. people from high school will be impressed, maybe even think i'm hot. hahahah, that would be awesome. i'll be "small," petite even. jacob can lift me like i'm nothing. i'll feel sexier. all a million reasons to lose weight. and the reasons not to lose weight? cause food tastes good? totally not worth it to sacrifice all of those wonderful things because food tastes good. bah. i'm an obsessive freak. sometimes you have to be though.
Monday, July 22nd, 2002
10:11 pm
okay, bad dinner with cathryn :) ate chinese. i am allowing it tonight, but no more. strict from here on out!!!
5:16 pm
just got back from the rec, ran 5 miles. yay! it's 5:00 in the evening and i weigh 143.8, which means i am probably 141ish in the morning. which means i am about 2 pounds away from being in the 130s- this is a goal i have had for a very, very long time. i might even reach it by friday if i am very careful- and i have cheated quite a bit! had ice cream and cake yesterday. on thursday, ang and i had sherbet (but it wasn't too bad) and candy and popcorn- BAD stac! i might already be in the 130s if it wasn't for that. oh well. my reward for the 135 mark is still a snickers blizzard with extra snickers! :D i bought a size 7 today!!!! YAAAAY! I think i will make an ultimate goal- which i am not sure i've ever done before. let me see what the bottom line healthy weight is for my height. i'm 5'3- 5'4. 110 is too skinny i guess, so i'll shoot for 125 to start with but then try to g et down to 120 or 115. so i have about 30 pounds to go- but doing it 5 pounds at a time won't be so bad. i can do this, i can do this. i will just think all of the time about what i am eating and if i don't eat something bad, it'll get me closer to my final goal. i can be at 135 by the next time i see jimi and jennifer i think. hahaha, won't they be surprised. suck on that.

Current Mood: determined
Tuesday, July 16th, 2002
5:12 pm
points for tuesday

oatmeal 2
salad with cheese 2
apple 1
salad with cheese 2
bread 2
tuna 2
beans 1
cheese 1
potato 3
jello 2
18 for the day.. could be better, could be worse. :)
Monday, July 15th, 2002
9:44 pm
losing weight!
so far, so good. i have been running every day since thursday- i did four miles on saturday, 5 yesterday, and 4 today. the rec scale says i am 143. now is the critical point. every other time i have dieted, as soon as i get to the lower 140s, i think yay! i am doing well, i can reward myself with ice cream or something, and then i sort of stay in that mode and the weight i lose comes right back. i *did* have a not so great eating day today. but that is okay. i will get back on track tomorrow. i work every day for the rest of the week but i need the money, so i shouldn't complain. 33 hours is a lot of money for me. now i just need to finish my stupid final and get it turned in. in fact, i think i will do that now. work on it at least.
Monday, July 8th, 2002
8:57 pm
heelo! today has been good. i need to start counting my points better. let me see.
breakfast- 3 points. 1 apple plus too much sugar.
lunch- jimmy johns and chips. 6 points plus... 2? for chips. 8 points = 11 points.
snack- yogurt. 2 points. cucumber no points. rice cakes 2 points. so 15 points. dinner. salad no points. corn 1 point. sandwich 3 points. soooo 19 points. i'm still under for the day, i think. whoohoo. :)

saw kylie's pictures. hilarious. :) some good ones, some absolutely awful ones where i look like the goodyear blimp. good thing i'm dieting.
did plasma today- PAINFUL! gonna start using my left arm i guess. he screwed up and forgot to take blood so i left before i gave any, which was fine by me. :) $20 to go toward my massive credit card bill. bah.
Friday, July 5th, 2002
8:04 am
yay! survey!
it's been so long since i've done a survey! well, it's been so long since i've had time to waste, which is pretty much why i like surveys. here goes.

·x· The Crush Side ·x·

Do you have a crush on someone?: hmm. does spike from buffy count? although i just found out he's like 39, which i refuse to believe. i think there must have been a misprint.
How long have you liked him/her?: since courtney started watching buffy
Are you really over your last crush?: ben stiller? no. but i'm working on it, on account of the marriage/kid thing
Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?: yes
Have you gone out or had a crush on someone and totally regreted it later? i have regretted almost all of my past crushes. and anyone who knows who my past crushes were will understand why. i have odd taste.
If you could go out with anyone in the world, who would it be? hmm. it used to be conan but now that i've seen him, i'm over that. i guess i'll go with spike again.
How long do you want a relationship to last? well, isn't the ultimate goal of a relationship usually marriage? so i guess forever. although i'm not a big fan of marriage just yet.
How romantic are you from a scale of 1-10?: hmm. inwardly, 8. outwardly, 2.

·x· Have You Ever... ·x·

Tried to get someone to notice you, but failed?: AGH! not the point that this survey is trying to make, but on my trip NO ONE brings your check after meals. they expect you to sit around and enjoy your evening in their restaurant. hello, i'm a tourist. obviously have things to do. don't want to wait an hour after i'm done eating (LITERALLY) for my check. so yes. i tried desperately to make waiters notice me quite frequently for about 6 weeks.
Had a long distance relationship?: yes. it was dumb.
Gotten in a Car Accident?: yes. knocked over a light pole. that is all i will say.
Seen the Eiffel tower?: recently
Cheated on a test?: umm. yes. i can't remember math formulas. i am bad bad bad, i know.

·x· In The Last 24 Hours Have You... ·x·

Cried?: no.
Laughed?: yes
Made someone laugh? yes
Helped someone?: yes
Bought something?: gas
Cut your hair?: No, but i keep considering it
Felt stupid? oh yes! constantly. usually i feel stupid when people ask "how was your trip?" because if i answer really enthusiastically, i feel like i'm bragging, but if i say 'oh, it was good,' then i sound jaded. i can't win.
Said i love you?: Yes.
Written a real letter? i wrote some postcards. but i guess not within the last 24 hours
Written on paper? hmm. yes. i did the crossword in the tv guide
Taken a test? no, but i need to finish my final and turn it in.
Met someone new? yeah, there were some people at the 4th of july party i didn't know
Written in a journal? Only if this counts.
Watched your favorite movie? no. i watched indiana jones several times yesterday though (indy-pendence day on amc)
Talked to someone you love? yes. they snubbed me. damn cats.
Had a serious talk? not really, unless you count my mom telling me to not trash the car this morning when i was dead asleep and she woke me up to randomly tell me that.
Given someone a present? yes!
Missed someone? no
Fought with your parents? it's always one-sided. she yells and i nod my head.
Fought with a friend? no. i should call jennifer though. but i'm not going to. sigh. complicated friendships.

·x· Right Now... ·x·

Are you tired?: A bit.
What are you wearing: stripy pajama pants and a homecoming t-shirt from junior year
Are you eating: No.
Are you happy: i'm not unhappy
Are you sad: i think i just answered that
Talking to people online: nope. i don't have any friends really that IM me anymore
Doing homework: nope. should be.

·x· Stupid Questions ·x·

What is the best "unexpected thing" a girl could do for a guy or vise versa: i'm sure sex is always welcome. for a guy anyway. boys!!
How are your grades:? fine thanks
What Languages do you speak? english. teeny weeny pieces of italian, spanish.. that's about it.
Do you drink? on occasion.
Do you regret anything you've done in the past? yes
Do you believe in horoscopes: not really, but that doesn't stop me from reading them
Do you wear glasses? sometimes. i should wear them more often
Do you have braces?: not now, but i did.
What words or phrases do you over use? uhhhhh
Bedtime? oneish. it varies though.
Are you a good dancer? not at all
Do you consider yourself a good listener?: depends on who is talking. usually not.
Last song you listened to: hmm. not sure, something jimmy buffett i think
Has a friend ever betrayed you? sure, that's what friends are for
Have you ever eaten a bug?: yeah, accidentally.
Last four digits of your phone number? 3202
Do you get along with your parents: for the most part, yes
What did you do today? nothing, it's only 8:30. what do you want from me?
What did you do yesterday?: hmm. played water volleyball, saw men in black two (bad)
What time is it now? 8:23 am
Final words: i'm not as funny as i used to be. :) thinking takes too much effort i guess
7:43 am
long time!
has it really been that long since i've written?
wow. guess not having a computer will do that to you- our computer has been out since march. BAH. but i guess it's pseudo-back now, we got free american online cds to last us til we move to our new apartment in a month when we will have internet again (THANK GOD).
Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
8:58 am
let me just say that iowa weather is insane. yesterday we had a high of 52, you could walk around in a sweatshit and be fairly comfortable.
today it's snowing.
saturday it's supposed to be like 57.
i just aced a history test i think!! :) there's still an essay to write though. i'm decent at essays though. i am not really sure how my astro test went last night. maybe i got a c. i don't know. sigh.
grades grades grades
Tuesday, November 27th, 2001
2:17 pm
i am so MAD MAD MAD at myself
i could have just had 100% on a math quiz and because i am stupid and rush things i have a d. there were only 3 questions and i answered the first two right and the last one wrong because i'm dumb =P
Monday, October 8th, 2001
3:12 pm
i often wonder about the sanity of my roommates.......

courtney just came home and she is storming around the apartment muttering things to herself and sometimes not muttering but talking loudly and angrily like "you CANNOT load the DISHES like that you FUCKING morons!!!" and "....PHONE BILL fucking PISSES me OFF" and on and on like this and she opened kristen's door and slammed it a couple of times (kristen isn't home) so i am wondering what she is pissed about and if i should be scared. :)

that is all.
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2001
8:16 pm
gaaaah do you ever get in those moods where you are depressed and you don't know why?
i guess i know why. i have been watching the john lennon/nyc tribute and it just makes me sad to see people at strawberry fields with candles and posters of firefighters and it just gives me chills-- in combination with jimi. i wrote her awhile ago and was telling her how i wish i was home a couple weeks ago because i was wanting to talk to her and jennfre about all of this instead of my roommate and himi wrote me back and was all like oh stac i wish you would have called, we miss you and lalala we were saying the same thing how we wish you were here and if you ever feel like you need your ottumwa friends just CALL or get in the car and come home, school and work isn't as important as you feeling happy and safe and lalala
so i CALL and does she ever answer the fucking PHONE?! NO!!!!
and here i am making this great scrapbook for her birthday because i know she is depressed about turning 20, but why should i do that when she can't even be bothered to talk to me? sigh. or check her mail. and she might not even be home this weekend now, she might be in des moines. bah.
i don't know, i'm sure i am making too big a deal of this but i am just in a sad mood is all.

Current Mood: depressed
Tuesday, September 25th, 2001
11:11 am
I think I got an A on my math test!!!!!!!!! :D YAYAYYAYAYAAY!!!!!
but i don't know for sure. there are 15 questions and i KNOW i got 11 right and 3 wrong. the last one is up in the air. i think i technically got it wrong but our prof said he's accepting two answers because he worded the question badly so i am hoping that i picked the other one. technically, 12 would be an 80% low B, but on this grading scale a 12 is an A. LALALLALALA I AM SO HAPPY
even if i got just a solid B that will make me happy, i am so miserably bad at math it is amazing that i got any right.
ummm that is all for now i guess. i had an advertising test i think i did okay on today? we'll see.
Monday, September 24th, 2001
10:59 am
AHHHHHH david is coming back!
jason called last sunday and wanted dave's number because melanie and matt broke up and melanie already found this new loser, so jason wants to bring dave back to (presumably) hook them up.
*i* figured that david would say uhh you haven't talked to me for over a year, i don't know if that's a good idea, yadda yadda yadda. so i didn't get too worried about it.
so THEN jason emails me this morning and it turns out he has talked to dave and dave was excited because he thought we all hated him or something and he wants to come visit over christmas break.
that is all.
so i'm freaking, i'm like i gotta lose weight, i have to re-whiten my teeth, i have to get new clothes, blah blah blah. but WHY am i reacting like this?! i guess you could compare it to going to your high school reunion. you want people to say wow, she looks great and she's so successful.
but anyway, i completely cannot imagine this. i mean, before it was interesting to speculate, like hmm i wonder what david is like now. but now we will maybe get to find out. how incredibly odd. i guess i shouldn't get too excited yet, it is MONTHS away. the whole thing could fall through still. i hope not, i really would like to see him. and not just to show off or whatever, i really do miss him as a friend, i miss that whole group as a friend- david and bryan roland and melanie (before she turned into a skanky bitch) and such. i just can't IMAGINE this. would we all go to the airport to pick him up again? would we act like melanie and i are still friends? how does this work?

i am sure i will have a lot to say about this in upcoming entries. :)

anyway. my parents made it to hawaii safe and sound. i'm so jealous, i'm totally freezing right now while my parents are relaxing on a beautiful beach!
on the upside, i am feeling better today than i have in awhile. physically and mentally. i don't know why. i woke up at 7:30, completely awake and ready for the day, in fact, i am on the verge of hyper even. :) maybe it's the metabolife. :) sometimes i feel like i'm on speed.
well, i have about a mazillion things i wanted to get done today so i'd better be off to do them- bye!
Thursday, September 13th, 2001
12:22 am
seeing all of the citizens of d.c. holding a candlelight vigil around the reflecting pool just really got to me. It's amazing that the people of some of the busiest, most crime-ridden cities of the world can come together in the time of a crisis and pray for hope, and try to keep the american spirit alive. it just amazes me. if one good thing comes from this, maybe it will be a greater sense of solidarity among americans.
i have done a little, i wore red and white today (couldn't find any blue to go with my outfit :)
when i donated plasma, they have a fund set up to donate some of your plasma earnings to the american red cross september 11th fund, i only gave $5 of my $20, but it still made me feel good. i was the first person to do it all day, it made me a little proud that i did and it made me rather angry that no one else had even donated a buck or two, you know? there are certainly people who need medical treatment, who need blankets, clothes, food, sleep. cleanup will cost a bundle. certainly they need it worse than me, living my little privileged life in iowa.
and if i am a lower-middle class citizen, i *know* there are people who can afford it even more than me.
plus, the iowa-isu game is on for saturday :) suddenly it doesn't matter who wins. people are just going to be happy to get together and try to think about something besides war and death. harkin has encouraged us to go and show that it will take more than that to scare us into canceling things and going to hiding. so courtney, lisa and i made shirts :) it's very customary to make shirts for the iowa-isu game, we had already planned on that :) on the front we each have a letter (i, s, u :) and on the back we have u, s, a. i am the s :)

sigh. we have talked ourselves to death tonight, courtney and i. speculating on all of this, discussing our mental roommate, speculating some more, getting a little teary sometimes. i am NOT a social person, but i have really appreciated hanging out with my friends the past couple of days.
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